Tears of clown

Kids just adored his show of juggling and hula-hoop. They were still clapping for his tremendous performance while he sneaked in a dark corner and lit a cigarette just under the sign which says “No smoking”. The joker took a deep puff on his cigarette and blew rings in the air. He could see the blown distorted ring against the light. The ring was expanding and slowly dissolving in the air. Through the dissolving ring,he could see her sitting in the first row with her beloved and her four years old kid. The kid had hysterical laugh on his performance and his mother was giggling too, holding her husband’s hand tightly.

Joker cursed his fate and his monumental desire to follow his passion. All his life he wanted to be a joker and make everyone laugh on his acts. He felt that’s the purpose God had bestowed on him and he must followed it religiously. He always found true happiness in making others happy. He started his career by acting in birthday’s parties and climbed his way to secure a job of joker in a well known circus. He never looked back after that….moved from town to town…..then from cities to cities……and finally from countries to countries.

“All my life, I was a goddamn vagrant like a cloud…….,” he thought philosophically. His childhood love had pleaded him to change his career lest she might be ridiculed for being the wife of a clown. He couldn’t understand her fears and she couldn’t understand his passion. In the battle of following his passion and understanding his love’s dilemma, he lost his love. That’s the last he saw of her walking out of the circus’s tent with tears in her eyes.

Now he saw her again through his moist eyes and a sense of loss prevailed him. His heart was heavy and throat was choked with emotions. His past life went in a flash in front of eyes. He was called to perform his last act of the day for which every kid had waited anxiously.

The joker was supposed to put artificial eyes with two thin pipes coming out of it and ends in a water bag secured tightly under his armpit. The tears get sprayed from his eyes up to the distance of 6 feet with the press of waterbag under his armpit. Kids loved this act as they get chance to get drenched in the tears of a clown. Sammy, the other clown, was supposed to hit him on his head with a rubber-club and then he was supposed to cry out loud. The joker put his eyes-shaped eyeglasses and walked in the ring. He saw his childhood love through his red-coloured glasses — she looked more radiant than ever. Sammy sneaked on him and hit him with his club. His eyes were fixed on her face and tears trickled down his face. He cried out loud……he had never cried so much since the demised of his mother. He cried till he felt empty inside…..a void which was growing like a cancer and engulfing him. Everybody in the stand rolled out of their seats in laughter. Entire circus was echoing with the laughter and then he pressed the bag …..a thin flow of water trickled from his eyes and fell on his lost-love’s face…..he moved along the side of the ring……drenching everybody’s with his tears……laughter spread like malaise in the circus. Everybody stood up and applauded the joker. The joker bowed in front of the crowd.

“Only if she had understood me or I had understood her……only if……..,” he took last look at his love and disappeared in the darkness to follow his unfulfilled passion.

———— Binzy

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